The Benefits on Understanding the Value of Starting Over, Even When We Feel We Cannot

Starting over.  We have all been there or know someone who has been there.  Depending on where you are in life this may be a blessing or a curse.  Here are some 2 great stories that will illustrate the concept of starting over, even when you might feel that all is lost.

The concept of let’s start over or let’s begin again
It can happen on a mundane level. The process begins with thinking about the possibility of starting over; then, the value of starting over; and then, how to start over. Imagine a time in your own childhood or with their your own children…you are at the breakfast table, and you have just given your child breakfast and with a glass of juice. You go on to finish getting ready, and suddenly you hear, “Uh, oh.” You hear the sound of liquid splashing all over the floor. Your child looks up at you not knowing what to expect.

What is going to happen? What are you going to do? Are you going to yell at him, be angry, be upset? You could take that approach, or you could realize he is just a child. He is just learning how to drink out of a cup. He did not do it to make you mad or get you upset.

In this approach, instead of getting mad and yelling, you say calmly, “Honey, that’s okay. We will just get a sponge and a paper towel and clean it up. Then we will start over. I will get you another glass of juice. Okay?” He smiles, relieved. He starts to help as best he can, helping in the clean up and learning in the process that he is safe in the world and spilling a glass of juice is not going be the end of him.

Just think if that had happened more times when you were growing up, how different things might have been for you. Instead of growing up anxious and fearful, desperately needing to do things right all the time, and possibly becoming overly controlling, a perfectionist or something similar. Instead you grow up more relaxed, doing the best you can, knowing that if you make a mistake, you just go forward, clean it up as best you can, and begin again.

Relationships: To keep or let go?
So let’s apply this to relationships. We all meet these times in relationships of all sorts, co-workers, friends, lovers, mates, when we have to decide if we want to continue the relationship or not; and if so, how to? How to start again or start over when you feel like it is over? Gone. Lost.

This stands true for both men and women.  For the sake of the story, they are interchangeable. A woman is devastated.  She discovered that her husband has been having an affair. She found a number to a call girl. She found porn on his computer. She looked at his phone record and saw all of these calls to one number. The story is the same whether it involves all of the above or just some of the above. We could name public figures that have been in the news for just such an experience. We have all seen or heard something like this. But if you never thought it could happen to you, when it does, it is so very personal; it strikes at your very core. She feels so very vulnerable, stripped naked, threatened, and betrayed. She is shocked, angry, devastated. What to do? Some yell. Some scream. Some threaten. Some act out. Some go out and do the very same things and keep it hidden. Hidden, that is, until it gets found out and the cycle of betrayal starts again, only now on the other side.

So now what? What to do?
This begins the process of first having the feelings and then allowing them to get expressed. They need to get expressed enough to get to the stage of deciding whether you want, or feel you can, go forward with this person. So you have to come out of yourself enough to realize a few things. One, all is not lost, not really. Every day is a new day, and every day we can begin again, even in a relationship, even where there has been betrayal, if both are willing.

They have to see there exists the possibility of starting over, just like the little boy and his glass of juice. Then they have to see that yelling and screaming at each other is not going to make it better. Yes, they have to express their feelings but to each other, not at each other. They have to look inward in this process and get at the root causes of their behavior, to the bottom of their issues. Looking at and changing belief systems and behavior patterns where appropriate is all a part of the process.

This requires the ability to be vulnerable, with themselves and each other. They have to accept the consequences for their own behavior and be willing to clean up their mess and start over. Are they willing? What are their core values? What do they stand for? Do they really love this person, themselves? Is it worth it to start again here with this person, or would it be better with someone new?

Regardless, it will still involve the process of starting over and beginning again. This means growing and learning. This means everything can be viewed as an opportunity. The choice seems obvious. To not learn and not grow is to not advance, personally or collectively. It is staying the same or going backwards—starting the process of dying. The only way forward is to actually begin again, to learn what you did not learn in the first place. In this instance to learn perhaps what love really is; to become more conscious; what you value most in the world and to direct your life accordingly. It really is a no-brainer. We must all start over when faced with such situations and begin again. Let us hope this time we do not spill our glass of juice in just the same way or in just the same amount of time as the last time. Perhaps we will not spill it at all. But if we do, we will know that this time, that all is not lost, and that we can start over.

Anyone for a glass of juice?

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Article Author: Roslyn Whitney is a spiritual life coach, combining her psychology Masters with the world of spirituality and the advanced transformational tools of HPT, NLP, and meditation.  She is the creator of the Life Mastery Program which helps you focus on the most significant thing to move your forward in life. She focuses on helping people transform in love and work – to create beautiful and spectacularly fulfilling lives. www.roslynwhitney.com

Photo Source: courtesy of shirophoto / Free Digital Photos